questionings

I create blogs at the times in my life when I feel like I have something worth saying. At those times, I'm well acquainted with profundity. I walk along and words come to me unsolicited. Even when I'm not physically writing anything, sentences and paragraphs float into my mind fully formed and contextualized. I feel like I'm really making progress in understanding the universe.

This is not one of those times. My mind is full of questions to which I don't have an answer. The only words that come easily are words like why, how, and I don't know.

I am seeking God. I desire to know his nature. I want so badly to understand, but I'm coming to the realization that I never will. I want to know how to live a life in which my love and service glorify God completely, but God's message is one that is necessarily full of contradictions and paradoxes. I'm trying to reconcile the essential nature of both doubt and faith. My constant refrain is "Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief."

So I haven't been blogging much.